Modern Day Martyrdom
+ Coming Out of the Cosmic Closet
I have been thinking of late about the role of martyrdom within the mechanisms of society. Sharing some thoughts here, paradoxical and tangential as they may be (the need to soapbox with definitive unipolar verdicts is tiresome and counterproductive, IMO). Therapeutically, I tend to use the term in the negative—that is, “martyring yourself for others,” as another way of speaking about codependent patterns of giving too much of oneself, thereby enabling others’ avoidance of their own inner work. And personally, I have also framed it as part of the irony of religion. How we kill our heroes, then worship them afterward, almost as an apologia. Or seeing it from a cultural distance within global affairs, as this terrifying tool to hammer in an inflexible, non-inclusive point of view. Terrifying in large part because this tactic runs counter to the fear of death, otherwise considered the final and strongest stick in yoking individual actions to collective restraint.
In counseling young activists over the past decade, I began to observe a shift in attitude that initially troubled me. The youth no longer believed in non-violence. But even more than losing touch with this strategy, I was concerned about the polarization that accompanied the sentiment. The rise in hatred. As if fire can be fought with fire. Like bell hooks, I believe in the power of love as a transformative force. As hooks noted, the idea of love as having a place in political resistance has increasingly been seen by many as naive and old-fashioned. Tossed to the trash pile alongside non-violence. But non-violence was never about being afraid to face physical danger, as can be seen in martyrs such as Gandhi. Non-violence is about having the courage to face others’ dehumanization and violence with love, thereby revealing the debasement for what it is.
It would seem that the extermination of great figures of peace like Martin Luther King, Jr. did the trick. In terms of the tautological argument on which hegemony rests: to the victor, go the spoils. So those who “lost” are deemed to have been suckers and patsies for believing in anything other than a zero-sum game; and for having been killed. But what if the game is not scored based on physical survival—nor approval within the extant paradigm—but on bigger picture results? What if, in fact, it’s quite the opposite: to succumb to the threat of annihilation is actually the most effective and common means of disempowerment. And to a lesser extent, much less credence need be placed on “convincing” within the old paradigm; because by definition, it subverts and appropriates anything new introduced, like phagocytosis.
Perhaps this is what is behind the contemporary establishment of horror as a legitimate film genre. Every time I hear about another horror film topping the box office, I think about that scene from George Orwell’s 1984, where movie-goers laugh and applaud in delight while watching military propaganda of refugees being gunned down and a child’s severed arm flying through the air. Just as we get closer to deprogramming completely from fear-based social control, we are fed a heavy dose of terror induction. Anything paranormal is coined “creepy” and creepypasta memes are the new adrenaline hit. The monsters will attack you, and therefore must be dispatched (so says the aggressor about his victim; we are still running that script). Fear justifies further state-sponsored violence.
Esoteric spiritual seeking often involves exercises to transcend the limiting factor of misplaced fears, particularly surrounding that most fundamental of fears related to our own mortality. We seek to understand the eternal, as well as the ultimate mission. In some meditative traditions, to surrender to one’s death in a dream is a key to enlightenment. Considered a direct experience of the indefatigable nature of consciousness. After all, information is neither created, nor destroyed.
When the caterpillar’s body turns into soup in its cocoon, it too may experience existential dread. The other day, I re-watched the 2014 movie, Transcendence, which is ostensibly about a Singularity-type scenario. The main character achieves God-like powers through upload of his consciousness into AI, which then not only becomes sentient, but also gains nanotech control over all matter. He attempts to integrate all life on the planet into his network, in the process beginning to repair earth’s ecosystem. But rather than being seen as evolution, he is the antagonist who must be destroyed. Obviously, it’s not as simple as the plot of a Hollywood film. Still interesting that the story continues to be told in this way, how fear remains the primary driver and justification in human decision-making, even when it propels actions which run counter to any nuance, let alone longterm self-preservation of the species.
Here we are in this version of the Now. When society gets to a place where there is such disconnection from anything other than the egoic reality... When young people feel so broken and hopeless, they commit mass shootings to feed the ego’s need for validation and attention in an empty world. Those acts don’t even make waves, because they are simply extremes within the status quo. They do not threaten because they are not acts of true martyrdom, which come from selfless love and ultimate sacrifice in the hopes of something better happening once you are gone.
When a system is so broken that no amount of reasoning, emotional pleas, artistic renderings or kumbaya moments do anything to impact the endless grind of the machine. Is this the true purpose of martyrdom? I will be curious to see how our on-the-ground reality unfolds over this coming year and beyond. Many speak of an epochal turning of the cycle. I say, buckle up. The chaos node appears to just be gaining momentum.
Coming out of the cosmic closet
I launched this blog with a sudden surge of spiritual momentum that was so powerful, the following day I felt quite sure that it was another version of channeling for me. In fact, the day after I first posted, I sort of “came back to myself,” and almost lost nerve. It just felt like too much, too bold, too wacky. To begin to publish online again and leave it all on the table: not only my identity as counterculture renegade, but as a woman of the woo. Because I can still remember so vividly how dismissive I had felt about such things, like when Shirley MacLaine outed herself with her new age book, Out on a Limb. Cue eyeroll, and all that. Part of me still can’t believe that I’m now one of those people.
But the world has kept spinning, as it does. The myopic view of our own constrained subjectivity makes some things feel a lot harder than they actually are. I had built up so much latent energy focused on this endeavor. Like, I had this whole idea planned out of publishing a series of play-by-play memoirs which would lead the reader through my spiritual progression. But after I released Adrift in Adulting, which barely hints at what was yet to come for me, consciousness-wise—well, I realized it would be slow-going to do it this way, and not nearly interactive enough for me. For the moment, I’m saving my book-writing for novels, and perhaps another self-help guide. So onto blogging to more explicitly share my metaphysical leanings and philosophical meanderings.
As one of Jack Kornfield’s books is titled, After the ecstasy, the laundry. Likewise, I found myself in some sort of comedown, once I had blogged my annotated list of esoteric sources foundational to my metaphysical understanding. To myself, I said, “At long last, I have put together and shared what has essentially become my life’s work: all these years of searching, discovering, digesting and alchemizing hidden knowledge.” I shouldn’t have been surprised by the subsequent feelings of destabilization, confusion and inertia that immediately followed. What comes up, must come down. I look at it as the price to be paid for peak experiencing. Like, now what? And then I remembered that I am just getting started building this thing, whatever it is.
Next week, I head to Sedona for the first time. There is a spiritual conference being held, aptly called The Channel Panel. Channels whose messages I have respected will be there including Darryl Anka, Lyssa Royal-Holt, Rob Gauthier and Wendy Kennedy. The conference is entitled, “The Dawn of Disclosure.” I plan to keep an open mind balanced with skepticism. No idolatry for me, and also no dogmatic no’s. I will be curious to see how many folks there will carry a similar balance of critical thinking to psychological flexibility. I shall report back my findings. Wish me luck!